Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1994-10-31

Original transcription by Yance Davis for Harpua Files

TREY: It was 99 years ago today that all this took place. Exactly 99 years ago on a Halloween a long time ago that this whole story that I'm about to tell you took place in a place that you all know well. It's called Gamehendge. [In a deep voice] WILSON, King of Prussia… I lay… this hate on you.

Well, the funny thing was that one hundred years ago, nobody really knew what Halloween was, and everything was still hunky-dory and peace and love. So, this whole story was really the beginning of the history of Halloween. What happened was, you had your Gamehendge here, if you can, picture if you will Gamehendge. It's a beautiful, lush, tropical area with a forest and a mountain and a green field going off into the sky, and there's this little town that everybody lives in, right. In this town is this old man and his dog.

Now, he had lived there for many years, but as time went on, he began to be ostracized by the people of the town, and people would make fun of him. He was kind of a weird looking guy. People would make fun of him and point at him and say things about his dog, so, as time went by, he found himself getting pushed farther and farther away from the townspeople. He moved far up into the hills.

So, he's living up in the hills there and he, because of the fact that the townspeople had pushed him out, he began to hate all the people in the town. Growing up in the hills, he began to become, he became exactly what they, how they saw him. So, he's up in the hills and becomes kind of uglier and meaner and really hates all the people. On this particular day, he's standing up there with his dog, and his dog is also becoming more and more evil. They're walking along and all of a sudden, on this one special day, they start to feel this strange vibration coming out of the ground.

He's walking along, into the woods, and he starts to feel the ground beneath his feet start to vibrate slightly. I think that we can kind of recreate that for you if you.... [“Vibration of Life” begins] Yeah, that's it, I think I can feel it. What had happened was, here he was, living up in the woods, and he had come across a strange... You know, the universe was kind of in line, and he had come across what we like to call the Vibration of Life. Seven beats per second, he felt it underneath his feet.

He could feel it, but the strange thing was, on this particular day, he had... Being that it was the first Halloween ever, the Vibration of Life had something strange going on to it. The spirit of Satan and the evil evil people beneath him and all the evil, evil spirits of the world had somehow gotten in the way of the Vibration of Life! Suddenly he found that he was actually standing up above... [in a truly evil-sounding voice] The Vibration of Death!!! [Maniacal laugh as band builds cacophony] So, the Vibration of Death was vibrating beneath the old man's feet and the dog and everything. He's standing there, and the dog starts wandering into the town.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the town, there's this young kid named Jimmy. And Jimmy is living... Jimmy is living in a suburban house.. [Fish moans loudly] For a while there during the day, he thought everything was great. He's feelin' good, and he starts to be affected also by the Vibration of Death. So, on this particular day, he's standing there, he's in his living room, and he decides to put on his favorite album, “Barney's Greatest Hits." But, the problem is that he, as he's turning on the album, he turns the turntable on the wrong way, and he starts playing it backwards. So he's playing Barney’s Greatest Hits backwards and suddenly this strange sound comes out...

[The band breaks into “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath featuring Fish singing for about a minute] Now this is a strange sound to Jimmy. Jimmy had no idea what was coming out of his speakers. He was expecting to hear “I love you. You love me. We're a happy family,” and all of a sudden here comes this song out. So, he's standing there and he really starts to feel the Vibration of Death, creeping below him now at this point.

Now, what he doesn't notice is that behind him his cat, his favorite beautiful furry cat that he loves so much and is his best friend in the world, was standing by the front door. The Vibration of Death is going. Suddenly, the front door starts to jiggle, and it starts to swing open. Innocently, the cat walks out the door, doesn't know what's going on, and, suddenly, the earth starts to open up beneath him. The Vibration of Death is getting louder and louder.

So this cat is going out the door, and Jimmy turns and sees this cat going out the door and he looks at him and says "COME BACK! DON'T WALK OUT THE DOOR WITH THE VIBRATION OF DEATH COMING! COME BACK! COME BACK MY FURRY FELINE FRIEND! HURRY! HURRY BACK, MY FRIEND, MY SPECIAL FRIEND. MY SPECIAL FRIEND. POSTER NUTBAG COME BAAAAACK!!! COME BAAAACK!! DON'T GO OUT!!!” And the Earth starts to crack open beneath him. Poster Nutbag is sucked into the depths of Hell. Then, he goes down.

And then... Look! The vibration of Death is gone...