Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1988-08-05

TREY: Once upon a time… Cam! [From the audience: “Whaaaaat?] Playin’ this song for you! You’re not even listening. Gimme some backlights? Backlights? Cut those reds off a little bit there— ahh. [Again, “Wha?”] Okay now that we’ve got the lighting set…

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a big, hairy, ugly dog, and his name was Sam. Nope— his name was Jack. And he had a vicious habit of biting people’s ankles when they were trying to play volleyball. He was an innocent young pup, small, furry and everybody thought he was so cute. But, uh, he grew. And soon he grew to fit his big paws, til his whole body was as big as his big paws, and now for a big pause...

Anyway, one day, Sam was wandering through town, looking for some action. He had had a long day, biting the ankles of all his friends, but he wanted some real… [hahahaa haha] He wanted to sink his teeth into something real, something juicy, something good, something salty, something furry, something warm. He wanted a hot lunch; he wanted it bad. Dog food just wasn’t doing it for him any more.

So uh, he began to search, and search, and look, and look, and search, and then he— he couldn’t find just what he wanted, he saw a cat but it was too small and scrawny— oh no meat, no flesh to sink his teeth into. Until suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, all of a sudden, when he walked around the corner, he walked around the corner and then he came face to face with— a cat.

Not just any cat, he came face to face with the one, the only, super cat, belonging to none other than the town’s most beloved little boy. The cat belonged to Jimmy. This is Jimmy talking to ya. Move over Rover. Jimmy didn’t know where his cat was but his cat had just come face to face with Sam, the mean ugly dog who had finally grown into his paws.

Anyway they looked at each other, the cat and the dog, and their eyes filled with hatred. Hatred. Hatred? Hatred!? They— they know that they didn’t like each other very much. They wanted to bite each other— claw each other— they wanted to kill each other. They wanted to eat each other. But who knew, who was the stronger of the two? Who knew? A crowd of people stood and stared; they’d seen these pets before. Nobody could really tell if they were from the town or what.

And suddenly— wait a minute, I forgot to tell you the name of the cat. The name of the cat was— Buster Narbsack! No, no, no. Hahaha. Buster... Pusster... Buster Nutsack. The cat’s name was Poster… Nutbag. His name was Poster Nutbag! His name was Poster Nutbag! His name was Poster Nutbag— ohh his name was Poster Nutbag, Nutbag! His name was Poster Nutbag, Nutbag! His name was Poster Nutbag, whoa Nutbag Nutbag Nutbag.

Well, you know what happened next, don’t you? Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch, his fur standing on end, and Harpua let a drop of ugly saliva drip to the cement below him, and the fight was on!

Where’s the storm? There? Look! The storm’s gone...