Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1989-05-09

TREY: Well, once upon a time, somewhere on the outskirts of Gamehendge, there was this two-toned multibeast. Everyone called him the Two-Toned Multibeast because he was this big, fat, bulldog with brown spots all over him. And he was a two-toned multibeast. Sometimes known as a dual-tone multi beasty.

Anyway, this was no normal, average, everyday two-toned dual-toned multi beasty, because this was a mean and ugly and special two-toned multi beasty. And his name was Harpua!

FISHMAN: Tell us about its ass.

TREY: Well, it had a small problem with its ass. That’s right. It was shot in the ass. Not only was it shot in the ass, but it was shot in the ass twice.

Anyway, there it walked down the street with its twice-shot ass wiggling in the wind. And it walked towards the center of town, looking for some action. And everything would’ve been normal that day if it wasn’t for his twice-shot ass!

So there he walked towards town, and soon he neared the neighborhood wherein lived a young boy named, of course, of course the young boy’s name was, everybody knew what his name was, Harpua knew what his name was, even though he had a twice-shot ass!

Harpua knew what this young boy’s name was because this was of course, this boy was, this was, this boy’s name was, you see [sung along the lines of Burt Bacharach’s “This Guy’s In Love with You”] this boy, this boy’s in love with you! His name was, his name was Jimmy, okay, his name was Jimmy.

His name was Jimmy and there he lived, and he lived with his favorite little pet. And his pet was a cat. It was a white furry cat. And this cat had a non-shot ass!

It just had a normal ass. And it was a big furry cat and it walked out in the street looking for a little sun and relaxation when suddenly it saw in front of it a twice-shot ass!

And it knew this must be Harpua! And Harpua looked forward and he said “that must be… Oh my God, it’s, I know who that is, I know what that cat’s name is! Oh my God! That cat is! That’s the cat that’s named! That cat! It was! My God! It was the one and only! My God! It was! It was! Oh oh oh! [strangling noises] Oh my god it was POSTER NUTBAG!

Poster Nutbag. Poster Nutbag. And Poster Nutbag looked at Harpus and he knew that there was going to be a nasty fight. So they looked at each other. And they knew there was going to be a nasty fight. And their temperature started rising. And Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch.

And Harpua let a hungry drop of saliva drip out of his mouth onto the ground below!

Look, the storm’s gone…